Mr. James Williams

Mr. James Williams was the deputy head, housemaster, and biology teacher at Charles Darwin Grammar School.

Personality
Being Headmaster Simon Warr’s right hand, he is the strictest teacher at Charles Darwin Grammar. He is also the biggest nit picker throughout the whole show, and the slightest step out of line is enough to set him off, and he seems to have a sixth sense when it comes to rule violations of any kind. Even when calm, he is still extremely stern, especially with Peters who was malingering in CCF.

He said in an article about the show that real grammar schools were shut down when he was around 10, and he based his behavior on the teachers he had as a kid. In reality, he admits he's nowhere near as bad as he was in the show.

Episode 1

 * Mr. Williams: Name, boy?
 * Brennan Gunston: Uh, Gunston.
 * Mr. Williams: I'm sorry?
 * Brennan Gunston: You are?
 * Mr. Williams: I see we have a problem with speech. I shall instruct you and you shall follow; I ask what your name is, you tell me your surname, followed by "sir", and that is all. Name, boy?
 * Brennan Gunston: Gunston, sir. That is all.




 * Mr. Williams: No closer than the edge of that chair. Do you understand?
 * Brennan Gunston: Yeah.
 * Mr. Williams: I'm sorry?
 * Brennan Gunston: Yes, sir.
 * Mr. Williams: Well done!
 * Brennan Gunston: Thank you!
 * Mr. Williams: You, my man, I better watch for yourself.




 * Mr. Williams: Frankily, the results are a complete and utter disgrace. I almost gave up the will to live, as I mark these papers. (the girls' class laughs) And that you find it funny, because quite frankily, because 2 out of 20 is not a laughing matter.
 * Rosie Morton: Sorry, sir.
 * Mr. Williams: Get your head out of your hands. I sincerely doubt there's a brain big enough in there to weigh it down to that extent that it needs propping up. The result of your test, would you like to please read it to the group?
 * Victoria Buxton: [looks at her test result] 0 out of 20.
 * Mr. Williams: You're an idiot! A numbskull! A fool! And that will have to change!




 * Mr. Williams: Could you explain to me what that is at the bottom of the paper? A "food pipe"? Give me an alternative name for "food pipe".
 * Victoria Buxton: Trachea?
 * Mr. Williams: INCORRECT! I believe you mean, you start shovelling food down your trachea you also know it, young lady. You'll be choking to death. Esophagus is the term that we use. "Food pipe" is what a child, a baby, is told.

Episode 2:


 * Mr. Williams: Why are you playing, boy?! What's that under that chair?! It's a book. This room does not look done to me.
 * Nathan Anidugbe: See how they’re going on like it’s just me playing the game on my own.
 * Ms. Gibson: Is there something you want to say?
 * Nathan Anidugbe: Not really. No.
 * Mr. Williams: How DARE you speak to a member of staff like that; "Not really, no"! Get outside, boy. I really am at a loss as to what to do with you. You spoil it for everybody; a few selfish people who are not prepared to pitch in and help! You spoil it, for everybody! Get outside, line up. Silently! Caps on!


 * (after the boys are caught singing after lights-out):
 * Mr. Williams: Ingram, are you ready to go to bed with no talking?
 * James Ingram: I'm sure everyone else would like to stand here but I'd rather go for a jog, sir; now, not in the morning.
 * Narrator: He's broken a habit of a lifetime and backchatted a teacher.
 * Mr. Williams: You have earned your first detention from me, for that insolent remark! I don't know if you thought you were trying to be funny!
 * James Ingram: No, sir.
 * Mr. Williams: I think you can tell I am not amused!

Episode 3:


 * Mr. Williams: You didn't want to do this CCF, did you, Peters?
 * Scott Petters: I didn't, sir.
 * Mr. Williams: Well, you will do this CCF, Peters. It is a part of the school curriculum. Now we'll have you back outside and we'll have you doing CCF. And if you do not put your heart into it, we will arrange some extra CCF for you on your own. Is that understood, Peters?
 * Scott Peters: Yes, sir.
 * Mr. Williams: Excellent.
 * (later, outside)
 * Mr. Williams: Peters has something to say.
 * Scott Peters: Sorry, sergeant.
 * Sgt. Allen: Peters!!!
 * Mr. Williams: No! That is not acceptable! Come here! Come here! Peters...
 * Narrator: Insolent, lazy, and disruptive, boys like Peters are every teacher's worst nightmare.
 * Mr. Williams: Peters, stop where you are. What did I just say to you in that office?
 * Scott Peters: To apologise to the sergeant?
 * Mr. Williams: No, THAT was not an apology! What-
 * Scott Peters: (interrupts) It was an apology.
 * Mr. Williams: Peters, I know an apology when I see it, and what I saw was insolence, not an apology. The words that came out of your mouth may have been an apology, but the sentiment behind it was nowhere near an apology!
 * Scott Peters: I got nothing to be sorry for, but you told me to say sorry so I did it.
 * Mr. Williams: Get back into that line.
 * Scott Peters: I don't wanna do CCF.
 * Mr. Williams: You will do CCF. It is a part of the school curriculum. You will do it.

Episode 4


 * Mr. Williams: The words come out, but there's absolutely no meaning behind them.
 * Scott Peters: I've got nothing to be sorry for, Sir.
 * Mr. Williams: So, you agree that there's absolutely no meaning whatsoever?
 * [Peters pulls a sullen expression in agreement]
 * Mr. Williams: I don't think you've ever regretted a single thing that you've done wrong here, have you?
 * Scott Peters: I haven't done that much wrong, Sir.

Episode 5:


 * (after Scott Peters gets caught malingering in CCF once again)
 * Mr. Williams: I've been watching you. You were told to take a full and active part in every area of the curriculum and that includes CCF. You are NOT taking a full and active part, and don't try and give me the excuse about your knee! There is nothing wrong with your knee! Don't even go there! I am not convinced that you are going to last the rest of this week! You had your final warning. (later, during the punishment) One book, each arm, hold out, horizontal. Do not drop below the horizonal.
 * Narrator: Modern school teachers are discouraged from shouting at pupils, but in the 1950s, it was commonplace.
 * Mr. Williams: Hold them up, they're beginning to drop. (Peters holds the books upwards) Oh, not up. (Peters holds the books back down) That way, that's better. You have not wanted to do this from the very beginning, and you have tried to make sure you don't participate. (Peters later drops the books) Up!
 * Scott Peters: (starts malingering again) I can't.
 * Mr. Williams: Hold them up! (brief pause) Hold them out!
 * Scott Peters: I can't, sir.
 * Mr. Williams: So you can't do CCF, you can't take a full and active part, you can't even take a punishment.
 * Scott Peters: I'll try my best sir, but if my knee hurts, I can't come on.
 * Mr. Williams: There is nothing wrong with your knee.
 * Scott Peters: There is something wrong with my knee.
 * Mr. Williams: That's all made up, boy! I was watching you!
 * Scott Peters: Why are you lying?
 * Mr. Williams: (shouts) THIS IS GROSS INSOLENCE! HOW DARE YOU! HOW MUCH MORE HAVE WE GOT TO TAKE OF YOU?! I'VE HAD IT UP TO HERE! (holds his hand at the top of his forehead) Get over to that wall! I think your next trip is gonna be to the Headmaster!